


help me.

by takoyakiyuta (yuukiyah), yuukiyah



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bullying, Gen, I'm so sorry, Mentioned Choi Beomgyu, Mentioned Choi Yeonjun, Self-Harm, Suicide, Swearing, i'm sorry jisung, oof idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2020-05-19 02:15:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19347490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuukiyah/pseuds/takoyakiyuta, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuukiyah/pseuds/yuukiyah
Summary: chenle tried so hard to help jisung.





	1. beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone. i hope you like my first work here on ao3. lowercase is intended.

jisung ran out of the school building, tears flowing from his eyes. he had run into a group of bullies, gotten hateful words thrown at him and then he was left all alone. he kept running and running until he reached a park nearby, slowing down to walk closer to a large tree. he set his bag down and sat down under the tree, burying his head into his own arms. tears were no longer flowing from jisung's eyes as an empty feeling filled him.

"why the fuck do i even try? no matter what i do, they always come back," he mumbled to himself. he looked up at the sky, seeing all the dark clouds gathering up over him. he let out an exhausted sigh and tried to figure out a way to shield himself from the upcoming rain. before he could think, he saw a figure walking towards him.

jisung quickly gathered his stuff as he saw the figure getting closer, but as soon as he got up to leave, something tapped his shoulder. jisung flinched and turned around to face whoever just touched his shoulder.

"hey, where are you heading to? it'll start raining soon," a friendly looking boy asked. jisung looked at the boy. "i don't know and i don't care. i just want out of here," jisung said with a monotone voice. the boy frowned. "something wrong?" he asked. jisung shook his head. "everything is completely fine," he lied. the boy looked at jisung. "you don't look like everything is okay though," he said, "anyway, i'm chenle. what's your name?" he asked jisung. "jisung, but why do you ask?" jisung replied. chenle tilted his head a bit. "i just want to meet a new person!" he smiled and grabbed jisung's hand. "come! i want to introduce you to my friends," chenle said and started walking slowly. "we just met," jisung said. chenle looked at him. "true, but i can't just let you stay here if it's going to rain soon," he said and started pulling jisung with him.

it didn't take long until they arrived at what seemed to be an abandoned warehouse of some kind. chenle carefully moved the piece of metal that was covering the entrance to the warehouse. he walked into the building, still pulling jisung with him. "so. this is where me and my friends spend time together!" chenle said and moved the metal piece back to its place. jisung looked around the place. it looked scary from the outside, but from the inside, it looked quite nice. he then saw a group of people sitting in a circle near a corner.

"chenle, is that you?" someone yelled. "yup, and i brought a new friend with me!" chenle yelled back and started to walk towards the people. "jisung, come," he said as he walked. jisung felt hesitant to follow but did anyway.

chenle grabbed two pillows from a pile of pillows in the corner of the big room. he set them down on the floor and sat down on one of them. jisung sat down next to him and looked down.

"introduce yourself please," the tallest out of the boys said. jisung looked up and cleared his throat. "i'm jisung and i'm 16 years old," he said. "nice to meet you, jisung," they all said.

"i'm jeno," the tallest said, "and this is jaemin," he said, referring to the boy next to him.  
"that's donghyuck and next to him is mark," jaemin said and pointed to two boys opposite of him. "and that's renjun, next to mark," jeno said. jisung nodded. it would take him a while to learn their names.

"wait, aren't you that boy the group of bullies makes fun of all the time..?" donghyuck then asked. jisung nodded and looked down at the floor. chenle wrapped an arm around jisung and whispered comforting words to him. "don't listen to the bullies. they obviously don't know what they're saying," donghyuck then added. "but it's true. i'm fat and ugly," jisung said, still looking down at the floor. chenle shook his head. "no! you're not!"

soon the boys were hugging jisung, who had started crying. for once in his life, jisung felt loved.

-

jisung walked down the street. it had turned to evening already. small raindrops were falling down from the sky. jisung looked up at the sky, wondering what caused the rain to fall down. he sighed. he really didn't want to go home. he wanted to stay where chenle and the other boys were. but he had a curfew to obey and he didn't want to get in trouble.

  
as soon as he opened the door to his home, he felt a sense of anxiety come back to him. he left his bag on the floor and quickly made his way through the kitchen to his room. he locked the door and sat down on a pillow that was on the floor. he looked around his room. all of his things were in the wrong positions again. his parents had been in there again, probably looking for drugs they thought he did. he let out a long sigh as he knew his parents would come home from work soon.  
things at home weren't exactly how jisung wanted them to be. he wanted to be in a family with no violence. he wanted to be in a family with fair rules. he wanted to be in a family where he actually felt loved.  
and this family was nothing like it.

 

the sound of a door opening was heard. jisung sighed and went to lay on his bed.

  
"jisung? are you home?" jisung heard his mother yell. "yeah," he yelled back and took out his phone. "come here then," she yelled once more. jisung sighed and got up from the bed. he walked to the kitchen and looked at his mother. "i'm here," he said. she looked disappointed. "you haven't taken out the trash like i asked you to. and the dishwasher is still full!" she yelled. "can you for once do something yourself? i'm not a fucking slave you can just boss around!" jisung snapped. his mother looked furious. "that's it! i've had enough of your rebellious ass!" she screeched. "go to your room. dad will handle the rest once he comes home. and i expect you to be here when he does," she said. jisung sighed and went to his room. he knew what was coming.

  
jisung sat at his desk with only one thing in his mind. he wanted to die. so bad. he opened a drawer and took out a pencil sharpener. he unscrewed the screw with a pair of scissors and took the blade out. he rolled up his sleeve. multiple older cuts from blades similar to this one were visible. some deeper, some more shallow. some longer and some shorter. he sighed and pressed the blade on his arm. he didn't press hard, just enough for the skin to break. he made a cut. he made another, deeper than the one before it. he made one more. he started to cry as he kept making cuts. he stopped when he heard the front door open again. he looked at his arm. "fuck... why did i do this? why do i keep doing this?" he told himself and cried. he rolled his sleeve down and walked out of his room back to the kitchen.

  
"jisung," jisung heard his father say, "come here."

  
jisung looked down as he walked to his father. he knew what was going to happen. he really did.

  
his father raised a hand up and slapped jisung. he slapped him again. and again. and again.

 

jisung started to cry.

 

he wanted out of this hellhole. fast.


	2. breaking.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung breaks down.

the next morning jisung woke up to his parents arguing. he knew it was about him. he sighed and got dressed for school. he walked out of his room, grabbed all things he needed and left for school.  
the walk to school was pleasant. the sun was shining and the birds were singing. jisung found himself smiling a little at the nice weather.  
soon jisung bumped into a certain familiar boy.  
"hi jisung! didn't know you live this way," chenle said. jisung smiled a bit. "everyday you learn something new," he said. "wanna walk together?" chenle asked jisung, who just nodded as a reply.  
and the two boys walked to school together.

at school their ways separated for a few minutes as jisung's locker was on the opposite side of the school as chenle's. jisung sighed as he walked towards his locker.  
"hey idiot," a tall, scary looking guy said. jisung gulped. "i got told that you're in need of a fist to your face," the same guy continued. jisung froze in his place. the tall guy pinned him against a locker and raised his fist. jisung started to shake as the guy's fist approached his face at an alarming speed. the fist hit his face.  
"what in the actual fuck?" jisung heard a distant, but familiar voice. the guy stopped hitting him as the owner of the voice ran towards them. "stop that. right now," jeno said. the guy felt intimidated and left. jeno sighed. "that guy.. i swear to god. always looking for a fight," he said and then looked at jisung. "oh my god... are you okay?" he then asked. jisung nodded. "i-i'm fine.. thanks for stopping him", he said and put on a slightly crooked smile. jeno looked at him. "are you sure? you don't look okay to me," he said. jisung nodded. "i'm sure," he said. jeno sighed. "if you say so. chenle's looking for you. let's go," jeno said and grabbed jisung's hand.  
jisung was brought to a quieter area of the school. he looked at his feet.

"hi jisung!" chenle said in a happy tone of voice, but it soon faded into a quieter and worried one. "are you okay?" he asked jisung, who just nodded as a reply. "you're lying." chenle said, grabbing jisung's hand. "let's go somewhere else. jeno, come with us and make sure nobody follows us."  
as jisung was being pulled to a quieter area of the school by chenle, he suddenly heard a voice. "kill yourself", it said. jisung decided not to give it attention. he continued to let chenle pull him along the school halls, until the voice told him to kill himself again. jisung started to scream and kneeled. chenle and jeno stopped walking. "jisung, is everything okay?" chenle asked. jisung kept screaming, holding his hands to his ears. "make it stop, make it stop, fucking hell, make it fucking stop!" jisung yelled. jeno looked at chenle, who looked at jisung with a worried expression on his face. "make what stop?" chenle asked calmly, but with a worried tone. "the voices. make the voices stop!" jisung screamed. chenle looked at jeno, who nodded as a reply. "call.." jeno said quietly. chenle nodded. "you stay here with him. i'll be right back", chenle said before disappearing behind a wall.

jeno kneeled down next to jisung and gently hugged him. "help will be here soon." he said quietly. jisung wasn't screaming anymore. he just let out small wheezes. at some point he had started to cry, as jeno felt his shirt get wet. "shh... you'll get help soon... everything will be okay", jeno said and held jisung close to him.  
soon chenle returned to them and frowned. "i'm afraid they'll have to admit him into a hospital... we'll see", he said and sighed. jeno frowned and hugged jisung tighter. "everything will be okay", he said.

even if it won't be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! i am so sorry that i haven't updated this fanfic in forever. there's been a lot going on in my life and i haven't had time for writing. thank you for reading this fanfic! <3


	3. breaking down.

"park jisung," a friendly-sounding nurse called out. jisung looked at jeno and chenle. "go... they will help you," chenle said. jeno nodded. jisung got up, legs shaking. he walked towards the nurse hesitantly, looking at his surroundings. the nurse held out her hand and smiled as jisung made his way right next to her. jisung shook her hand and sighed before the nurse led him into a room.

"so, jisung. your friend called an ambulance and told that you are hearing voices and behaving weirdly. is this true?" the nurse asked. jisung nodded slightly. the nurse nodded. "alright... oh! i forgot to introduce myself. my name is juhyun," she smiled. jisung looked at his feet. "alright..." he mumbled. juhyun cleared her throat a bit. "so... i'm going to have to ask you a few questions. i want you to answer them truthfully. this conversation between us will be confidential and anything you say will stay here in this building," she said. jisung looked up a bit. "o-okay," he stuttered and bit his nails. juhyun took out a notebook and a pen. jisung looked around the room nervously. he saw all kinds of posters with positive and inspirational quotes, often decorated with colorful flowers, cute animal stickers or glitter. jisung sighed. the colorful posters of the room looked dull and boring to him.

juhyun cleared her throat. jisung turned to look at her. "so... how long have you experienced these voices?" juhyun asked. jisung thought for a moment. "...four years, i think," he said. juhyun wrote it down. "and you didn't think to get help at any point?" she asked. jisung shook his head but then he started to think. "wait... i had it in my mind for like a split second... but then i knew that someone would tell my parents so i shook the thought off..." he mumbled. juhyun tilted her head to the side while writing jisung's exact words in the notebook. "someone would tell your parents? every conversation we have here is confidential unless we have to inform any kind of authorities about things like child abuse.." juhyun said. jisung tensed up, looking at juhyun. she looked back at him. "something wrong?" she asked. jisung felt a massive amount of anxiety flowing through every single part of his body. he felt himself sweat. he felt like he couldn't breathe.  
juhyun noticed jisung's change in behavior. "jisung. breathe... take deep breaths," she instructed. jisung tried his best to take deep breaths. "count to ten, it'll be okay... just breathe," juhyun kept instructing. jisung did what he was told to do, eventually calming down. juhyun looked at him. "tell me, jisung, is there something wrong with the relationship between you and your parents? you don't have to go into details... just tell me, yes or no," she said. jisung nodded his head hesitantly. "y-yes..." he said. juhyun wrote it down. "thank you for telling me this..." she said. jisung broke into tears. juhyun quickly put down her notebook and hugged jisung. "shhh... it's okay... cry it out," she said, stroking his back gently.

once jisung calmed down, juhyun grabbed her notebook again. "let's go have a look around, shall we?" she asked. jisung sighed. "i guess i have no choice other than to agree.." he mumbled quietly. luckily juhyun didn't hear what he said. she opened the door and walked out with jisung. chenle and jeno were still sitting there. jisung noticed them and pulled on the sleeve of juhyun's shirt gently. juhyun looked at him. jisung pointed at chenle and jeno. juhyun nodded. "you can go talk to your friends for a bit," she said. jisung attempted to smile a bit and walked to chenle and jeno.  
"jisung! everything okay?" chenle asked. jisung shook his head. "i don't know... this place seems weird... i don't know if i want to stay here," he said. jeno frowned a bit. "they'll try their best to help you.. we'll come visit you as often as possible!" he said. jisung smiled sadly. "thanks... i'll go now. if my parents try to reach you, just say you haven't seen me. i don't want them here," he said and waved bye to chenle and jeno.

juhyun brought jisung down a narrow corridor to a small lobby. "this is the lobby. from here you can get to all of the different parts of this hospital", she explained. jisung stared emptily at the walls while she talked, not really paying attention until she started pulling him along a different corridor.  
"you will be staying in this room", she said, pointing to a door with the number 25 printed on it. "you'll have a roommate", she continued and slowly opened the door. jisung sighed. juhyun opened the door, revealing a boring, bland room. a thin, fragile looking boy was laying on one of the beds, reading a book. he shot a glare at juhyun before focusing on his book again. juhyun smiled a bit. "taehyun, you'll have a new roommate!" she said in a careful tone. the boy, taehyun, hummed a bit as a reply. juhyun looked at jisung and nodded. "go ahead", she smiled. jisung slowly stepped into the room, trying his best not to disturb taehyun. juhyun looked at jisung. "you can call your friends to bring you some belongings. i'll leave now but you can find me in the same place we came from. a doctor will come talk with you in a bit!" she said and closed the door to the room. jisung sighed and sat down on the empty bed in the room. taehyun shot a glare at him, putting his book away. 

"h-hi", jisung said carefully. taehyun hummed as a reply and looked down on the floor. "welcome to hell", he said and looked at jisung, "you're my third roommate. hopefully you won't end up like them", he then said. jisung tensed up. "w-what happened?" he asked. taehyun sighed. "this is a mental hospital, what do you think happened? we are in the fourth floor. they... yeonjun and beomgyu... they jumped. they took the chance and jumped", taehyun said with an emotionless expression on his face. jisung frowned. "i'm sorry..." he said. taehyun sighed. "...anyway, what's your name?" he asked. jisung gulped. "p-park jisung..." he said. taehyun nodded. "i'm taehyun, as you probably already heard", he said. "why are you here?" he then asked. jisung tensed up even more. "i-i... voices? i don't know... i'm just a mess", he said, playing with his sleeves. "what about you?" he then asked. taehyun raised an eyebrow. "oh um... i killed a man", he said. jisung's eyes widened. "s-shouldn't you be in jail?!" he said. taehyun sighed. "i was there already. then i got placed here. but the thing is, it wasn't even me who killed the man. i was wrongfully convicted... then all this, being in jail and then getting placed here, messed with my mind and now i'm crazy!" he said. jisung frowned. "i'm sorry..." he said. taehyun sighed. "don't be... it's what my destiny told me..." he said.

jisung didn't feel safe. he wanted out of this place.


End file.
